Hello my name is Elaine and I'm a Facebook addict!
Today I went cold turkey. At 10pm CST on February 24th, I took my last hit of Facebook. NOT FOREVER! (see I am addicted!) I'm just taking a break. I need to clean myself up.
Today, I made it through my first day of Facebook detox and I'm not going to lie it - was - painful! I am still thinking in Facebook status updates (Elaine is going crazy thinking about Facebook or Elaine wonders how long she can handle playing Carebear Rummy before she goes insane with boredom...etc) and I keep longingly looking at my computer screen praying some giving soul will e-mail me. I literally jumped on the phone (really I did) when it rang in hopes that it would be a real human and not that bitch who keeps calling with my "last chance" at a better interest rate.
Facebook is like a drug, you go on there for the first time and it's euphorically full of people you've wondered about for the past few decades. Your best friends from College, your family members you've lost contact with, your bff's from elementary school, the people you went to camp with, so many memories, so much FUN. The first days are filled with thrills and joy of connecting with people you haven't seen in eons...and then it happens! You find that one person...that one ex-boyfriend, that girl who stole your boyfriend, that so called friend you learned later wasn't such a friend after all...and you WAIT...you wait to see if they'll notice you...you wait wondering...will they? will they send ME a friend request? The thrill of it is intoxicating. If you're lucky their profile is open and you can browse their personal life without them knowing. It's control of you begins to tighten! Now you MUST check your profile daily to see.... see if that person has sent you a friend request! You start to check their friend list and you notice you have at least four friends in common... now - you - know - THEY - KNOW! They know you're THERE!...and they are probably waiting too!...oh the excitement the drama...will you do it?! They know your there!!...will they do it?!.....and then one day it happens!!! You both write on the same persons profile!!! AND THEY SEND THE REQUEST! Muhahaha you've WON!! Oh the thrill!...oh the joy!....but now, now......NOW you realize, all this time you've been waiting...... and while you were waiting you've been finding other friends, other people you know!! You've played scrabble with your high school sweet heart and your bff from college announces she's pregnant and your neighbour is suddenly listed as single!!!!!!.... and.... and.... and YOU ARE A FACEBOOK ADDICT!!!!
Your children are getting scurvy because you've been feeding them bologna and crackers for lunch for the past 4 weeks, your dog is standing by the door with her legs crossed and her eyes popping out of her head, your huusband swears if you feed him chicken fingers and fries one more night he's going to take the children and leave, it's the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do before bed! It's your drug, your social life, it's your FACEBOOK! AND you L O V E it!
4 comments:
Hilarious!! Luckily I'm far from addict now...but I AM addicted to google reader..hehehe
It's sooooooo true. I've been ok with FB. I check it a few times but I'd rather check my email. There's nothing better than getting a whole letter from a friend or relative!
I admire you and you inspire me for doing this. I can't quite bring myself to do it however. Would it help if I emailed you status updates?
You went cold turkey for lent and you don't even go to church??? Come back! Come back! I'm enjoying your irony and want to be your friend! :)
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